I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
