Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
