Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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