Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
