I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
