Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
