i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
