Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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