we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
