I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
