I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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