is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
