Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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