there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize