You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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