3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize