he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
