i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
