Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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