I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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