your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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