thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize