Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
