Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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