She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
third nipple confirmed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
