I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
