I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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