at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Randomize
