I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That's how pantless uber rides happen
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
