I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
