It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
