i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
