ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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