I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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