upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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