so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just forgot I was standing up.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize