porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
