either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to have your abortion
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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