yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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