Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
