found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
