Well douche your snatch and let's go!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
