Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
