"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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