Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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