How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
