It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
