Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
