I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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