Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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