It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
