Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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