I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize