I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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