Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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