This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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