Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize