so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
