There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
