bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
