I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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